Chemistry didn't feel so foreign to me today. I feel good about my Chem I test and dread the plethora of tests that are ahead of me. I'm imagining a wall of tests that I have taken throughout the years and will take in years to come. I'm planning to be a doctor; imagine if I added every result page of the tests I did on my patients to the wall, but I digress.
Biology is up next; it's already seen at least two foul balls. See it's neither a strike nor an out, and no one is throwing me anything out of the box, so it's me hitting and hitting and hitting and getting it, but not past the line. I hope I don't ground this test; I'd really like a home run. I have at least 24 hours of time set aside to study for this thing. By Monday, I'll be ready.
A week off after! How often does that happen in med-school? Never? I bet you get one week off in the beginning, so they entice you into staying, and then you never see another hour off again.
People who posts advice about med-school and write blogs about their experience there seem to think it was manageable. I hope they're right. Wish me good skill on my exams, because the last thing I want to do is leave it up to luck.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
To Read or Not to Read
It's not a question of whether or not I think my life is interesting enough to scan over and over again. It's more of a question of sharing my experiences with people.
I'm going on my last week of the first summer session of classes. I'm pretty nervous about my grades. I'm going to have to work extra hard this week to obtain the mark I want, but it will be worth it. There is so much reward getting a well-deserved grade. School, in the past, was easy for me. Working for my grades equated to working for my good looks. Just kidding(sort of). Anyway, it was easy. Now that I have so much besides school on my mind, it's harder to make those grades without struggling at least a little.
I wanted an A, I may be getting an A- or a B+. I know it sounds pathetic, complaining about such a high grade, but this is not me. I should be getting straight A's with no question. I'm twice as intelligent as I seem but three times less dedicated. That's where I stumble.
Well I have one week to buckle down and score the way I want to.
See you after this week.
I'm going on my last week of the first summer session of classes. I'm pretty nervous about my grades. I'm going to have to work extra hard this week to obtain the mark I want, but it will be worth it. There is so much reward getting a well-deserved grade. School, in the past, was easy for me. Working for my grades equated to working for my good looks. Just kidding(sort of). Anyway, it was easy. Now that I have so much besides school on my mind, it's harder to make those grades without struggling at least a little.
I wanted an A, I may be getting an A- or a B+. I know it sounds pathetic, complaining about such a high grade, but this is not me. I should be getting straight A's with no question. I'm twice as intelligent as I seem but three times less dedicated. That's where I stumble.
Well I have one week to buckle down and score the way I want to.
See you after this week.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Counting the Days (with Pennies)
Days are becoming exponentially more expensive. We live in an age where money is power, where any strong man can be taken down by a skinny guy with a lot of money, where dreams are almost impossible if you don't have it or know someone with it, and where you feel exhausted all the time just because you don't have any.
So, my loans aren't coming in for a while, and if I think about it long enough, I realize that I'm paying double to live my life due to these awful loans. I don't know how 10% interest doubles your debt in twelve years, but it does. My dear boyfriend says that if I want to become a doctor, I have to be in debt. So be it. But isn't this America? Why, as I get poorer, does America start to feel like a developing country? So here I sit calculating how much medical school will cost me and maybe there is a little liberty in the numbers, just to be safe, but let's say...
I spend about 40 dollars a week on groceries (160 dollars per month)
My car takes about three quarters of that in gas if I don't do anything but school and work (120 dollars per month)
Take that other crazy stuff and make it miscellaneous let's say about 70 dollars a week. (that's various car repairs, car insurance, gas, electric,cable and internet)
410 dollars a month for rent; I'm a lucky girl-- it includes heat and hot water.
20 dollars a week for health and hygiene (vitamins, shampoo, toilet paper, etc.)
Now, the average cost of medical school is about 139,000 for four years
Health insurance is probably 1500 per year
Books, laptop upkeep, paper, printer, ink probably 1700 per school year.
Let's say hypothetically that my rent doesn't change, and that I stay in this area. That I don't count the debt I have now, that the "other" catagory somehow equals zero, and that everything goes perfectly and I never have to buy clothes or shoes or sheets or any of that other crazy little stuff again. (We all know this won't happen) BUT it will cost me, drum-roll please, (thank goodness I already bought my really expensive calculator that can do all this at once)
$132.54 PER DAY
With interest it will be much more expensive, but I'll get through it. Thank you, Opportunity, for making me want you so badly, that I would spend this much money on you per day. (I would just like to add that this is $5.54 per hour which is 76% of the current minimum wage.)
I'm choosing this lifestyle, and hopefully will someday see how worth it this all was. I am glad I am doing this, but if you aren't going to medical school...
...count your blessings, literally.
So, my loans aren't coming in for a while, and if I think about it long enough, I realize that I'm paying double to live my life due to these awful loans. I don't know how 10% interest doubles your debt in twelve years, but it does. My dear boyfriend says that if I want to become a doctor, I have to be in debt. So be it. But isn't this America? Why, as I get poorer, does America start to feel like a developing country? So here I sit calculating how much medical school will cost me and maybe there is a little liberty in the numbers, just to be safe, but let's say...
I spend about 40 dollars a week on groceries (160 dollars per month)
My car takes about three quarters of that in gas if I don't do anything but school and work (120 dollars per month)
Take that other crazy stuff and make it miscellaneous let's say about 70 dollars a week. (that's various car repairs, car insurance, gas, electric,cable and internet)
410 dollars a month for rent; I'm a lucky girl-- it includes heat and hot water.
20 dollars a week for health and hygiene (vitamins, shampoo, toilet paper, etc.)
Now, the average cost of medical school is about 139,000 for four years
Health insurance is probably 1500 per year
Books, laptop upkeep, paper, printer, ink probably 1700 per school year.
Let's say hypothetically that my rent doesn't change, and that I stay in this area. That I don't count the debt I have now, that the "other" catagory somehow equals zero, and that everything goes perfectly and I never have to buy clothes or shoes or sheets or any of that other crazy little stuff again. (We all know this won't happen) BUT it will cost me, drum-roll please, (thank goodness I already bought my really expensive calculator that can do all this at once)
$132.54 PER DAY
With interest it will be much more expensive, but I'll get through it. Thank you, Opportunity, for making me want you so badly, that I would spend this much money on you per day. (I would just like to add that this is $5.54 per hour which is 76% of the current minimum wage.)
I'm choosing this lifestyle, and hopefully will someday see how worth it this all was. I am glad I am doing this, but if you aren't going to medical school...
...count your blessings, literally.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Before
Mania:An excessively intense enthusiasm, interest, or desire; a craze.
The thorough description of who I am in the field of medicine.
Right now, everything is easy. My mind gives me permission to procrastinate because I am sure of myself in these classes. Summer classes.
Four years of the wrong stuff has left me a little cocky, and I am ready to do something that burns my brain to ashes. Part of me hopes this works, so that I finally can visualize my true potential; another piece prays to keep at least most of my mind functioning so that I can make it through this while remaining on top. Mathematics proved itself to be not the most challenging, also not the least (that award went to Communications). In both subjects, I allowed myself to learn loosely, retaining enough to pass and to look good. Check. Now I am diving into an endeavor that challenges me fully. I am going into medicine.
Socially, I am confronted by the obstacle of sympathy. From what I observe, one needs to seem heartless to be a doctor, while still maintaining his or her inner sympathy. I cannot wait to become an actual doctor and be proven wrong.
Academically, I can compare the smartest people I know with other very smart people I know, and they still cannot hold the same light as a doctor. Nobody else voluntarily sits for that many hours, retaining that much information, without that much sleep and still declares himself or herself sane enough to stand over a patient for hours at a time, searching for a pea-sized flaw among many pea-sized certainties. It's like looking for a needle in a needle-stack.
Spiritually, the paradox of turning one's back on God to having the power to heal like a benevolent god would want to is emotionally overwhelming. I never want to develop a god-complex. I want to stay simple me, while still performing the magic that will be medicine by the time I am a doctor.
Chronometrically, all these years that I might have been climbing mountains and writing books, I'll be in school. 'Nuf said. (Also note the last time I give myself the opportunity to write the words "nuf said.")
These are the challenges I face. These are the challenges I love. These are the challenges I aim to beat.
The thorough description of who I am in the field of medicine.
Right now, everything is easy. My mind gives me permission to procrastinate because I am sure of myself in these classes. Summer classes.
Four years of the wrong stuff has left me a little cocky, and I am ready to do something that burns my brain to ashes. Part of me hopes this works, so that I finally can visualize my true potential; another piece prays to keep at least most of my mind functioning so that I can make it through this while remaining on top. Mathematics proved itself to be not the most challenging, also not the least (that award went to Communications). In both subjects, I allowed myself to learn loosely, retaining enough to pass and to look good. Check. Now I am diving into an endeavor that challenges me fully. I am going into medicine.
Socially, I am confronted by the obstacle of sympathy. From what I observe, one needs to seem heartless to be a doctor, while still maintaining his or her inner sympathy. I cannot wait to become an actual doctor and be proven wrong.
Academically, I can compare the smartest people I know with other very smart people I know, and they still cannot hold the same light as a doctor. Nobody else voluntarily sits for that many hours, retaining that much information, without that much sleep and still declares himself or herself sane enough to stand over a patient for hours at a time, searching for a pea-sized flaw among many pea-sized certainties. It's like looking for a needle in a needle-stack.
Spiritually, the paradox of turning one's back on God to having the power to heal like a benevolent god would want to is emotionally overwhelming. I never want to develop a god-complex. I want to stay simple me, while still performing the magic that will be medicine by the time I am a doctor.
Chronometrically, all these years that I might have been climbing mountains and writing books, I'll be in school. 'Nuf said. (Also note the last time I give myself the opportunity to write the words "nuf said.")
These are the challenges I face. These are the challenges I love. These are the challenges I aim to beat.
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