Take a break from life to study, rather than a break from studying to live

Wow, what a year. Obviously being a med/pre-med student doesn't lend itself well to blogging. I think, however, that hasn't been the only reason I haven't blogged. I've not only had a lot of doubt in the size of the pool of my readership, but also, besides being in my pre-med program, I've had a life.

When we make future career plans, we sometimes forget to factor in the rest of our lives. For example, for a single girl who wants to go to medical school, a boyfriend is never on the top of her to-do list. Also absent from that very list are things like vacations, weddings(others' and our own), babies(hopefully others' in my case), and hobbies. Most of the med-student bloggers who I've followed have ONE major hobby, while everything else they used to love may have fallen off that list. Some of us think, "How will I have a family?", but does it really factor into our plans if we don't even have a steady significant other? Nah, not seriously anyway. We're kidding ourselves if we don't admit that 90% or more of us are type A; so we know we make these so-called lists. So here is why this matters, to you, my readers, and most of all to myself. I'm taking it-- a year to do the things I love more than anything. So when I don't have the time anymore, I won't have that naked piece of my heart.

I'm going to continue pre-med classes, get some real medical experience, and fill up, on my own list, more than the required 15 extracurriculars. For those of you that have applied to med-school, you know what I'm referring to; you know that it's not actually required. I want my extracurricular activities to hit 20 or 22 before I go. I want to live, and then take a break from that life to do about 10 years of studying. I think this will make me, not only a happy person, but also a happy doctor.

For those of you already in medical school, please don't forget to live.

Organic Chemistry

The only thing that blew up in my chemistry class this semester was my grade. I didn't apply myself to the best of my ability, and now I don't feel good enough for med school. I'm supposed to be brilliant; I'm supposed to know everything (although I guess some people actually study to get there.) So I'm just going to study O-chem I over break, and maybe I'll be able to tackle O-chem II with a little more muscle. I need to learn better organization skills. I'm getting there, but obviously I'm not there yet.
Ah well, I had my first day of volunteer, which was awesome. I got to see a c-section, and I didn't faint or even get light-headed. The opportunity to see someone's life beginning is really phenomenal. I'd watch it one hundred more times if I could. Who knows, maybe I will. The incisions, the separation, the stitching and stapling-- what a show! I also got to put away stock and put pillow cases on pillows, as well as check dates on stock (those are the really exciting things.) Anyway, I hope that my excitement doesn't diminish. Even though my O-Chem grade doesn't display my excitement for the field, my volunteer work most definitely will.

Correct me if I'm wrong

So for the last two blogs I completely dropped my writing style. I reread them and thought they were sort of banal. Don't we need that sometimes though? To be allowed to just sit and talk without using bombastic terms and convoluted sentences...I hope this is not the only place I can do so.

Upon my arrival to med school, whenever that may be, I expect to have to sound smart all the time. Do you think the professors give me the chance to be wrong? It sort of scares me; I'm wrong a lot. Imagine if all the professors gave every student a number of chances to be wrong(I suppose that's what grades are); will that behavior carry over to a student's practice? How can we become the most intelligent, educated people, when we are given a chance to be wrong?

I hope, upon being wrong, that I also have the chance to either correct myself or to be thoroughly critiqued. I want to do it all right. I know it's impractical to want to be the perfect doctor who does everything correctly, but most people want to succeed in their endeavors. However, the thing that I want more than to be right, is to be able to feel okay about being wrong, at least during school.

I'm not sure how awful I will feel about being wrong afterward.

Its been "A" while

I got an A in chem! I also got an A- in Biology, but I'm not as pumped about it. The new summer semester starts today. Doing things I actually like surprisingly changes my attitude about school. I'm ready to tackle school like my best friend tackles chocolate cake.

My search for work is a failing one. I want to find something in the medical field, but they don't seem to want me, not even for poop duty. Hahaha, poop duty. Someday I'm gonna look at that and gasp at how immature I was. Or I might still laugh. I've decided to put my hours in as a volunteer. I think that's the best option for me right now.

People say if you do what you love you might as well get paid for it, but I don't see that as an option right now. So, I'll start off with not getting paid for it. I want to try to get into the nic-unit. If anyone deserves care, it's those little ones. I know if I'm going to become a doctor I can't think about people "deserving" care, but I do feel guiltless taking care of someone who can't hold a gun versus one who just shot his wife and himself. I'm not sure how often that happens though.

Well, I'd better start preparing for my next first day again. I'll be writing soon.

Testing one, two, FREE!

Chemistry didn't feel so foreign to me today. I feel good about my Chem I test and dread the plethora of tests that are ahead of me. I'm imagining a wall of tests that I have taken throughout the years and will take in years to come. I'm planning to be a doctor; imagine if I added every result page of the tests I did on my patients to the wall, but I digress.

Biology is up next; it's already seen at least two foul balls. See it's neither a strike nor an out, and no one is throwing me anything out of the box, so it's me hitting and hitting and hitting and getting it, but not past the line. I hope I don't ground this test; I'd really like a home run. I have at least 24 hours of time set aside to study for this thing. By Monday, I'll be ready.

A week off after! How often does that happen in med-school? Never? I bet you get one week off in the beginning, so they entice you into staying, and then you never see another hour off again.

People who posts advice about med-school and write blogs about their experience there seem to think it was manageable. I hope they're right. Wish me good skill on my exams, because the last thing I want to do is leave it up to luck.

To Read or Not to Read

It's not a question of whether or not I think my life is interesting enough to scan over and over again. It's more of a question of sharing my experiences with people.

I'm going on my last week of the first summer session of classes. I'm pretty nervous about my grades. I'm going to have to work extra hard this week to obtain the mark I want, but it will be worth it. There is so much reward getting a well-deserved grade. School, in the past, was easy for me. Working for my grades equated to working for my good looks. Just kidding(sort of). Anyway, it was easy. Now that I have so much besides school on my mind, it's harder to make those grades without struggling at least a little.

I wanted an A, I may be getting an A- or a B+. I know it sounds pathetic, complaining about such a high grade, but this is not me. I should be getting straight A's with no question. I'm twice as intelligent as I seem but three times less dedicated. That's where I stumble.

Well I have one week to buckle down and score the way I want to.

See you after this week.

Counting the Days (with Pennies)

Days are becoming exponentially more expensive. We live in an age where money is power, where any strong man can be taken down by a skinny guy with a lot of money, where dreams are almost impossible if you don't have it or know someone with it, and where you feel exhausted all the time just because you don't have any.

So, my loans aren't coming in for a while, and if I think about it long enough, I realize that I'm paying double to live my life due to these awful loans. I don't know how 10% interest doubles your debt in twelve years, but it does. My dear boyfriend says that if I want to become a doctor, I have to be in debt. So be it. But isn't this America? Why, as I get poorer, does America start to feel like a developing country? So here I sit calculating how much medical school will cost me and maybe there is a little liberty in the numbers, just to be safe, but let's say...

I spend about 40 dollars a week on groceries (160 dollars per month)

My car takes about three quarters of that in gas if I don't do anything but school and work (120 dollars per month)

Take that other crazy stuff and make it miscellaneous let's say about 70 dollars a week. (that's various car repairs, car insurance, gas, electric,cable and internet)

410 dollars a month for rent; I'm a lucky girl-- it includes heat and hot water.

20 dollars a week for health and hygiene (vitamins, shampoo, toilet paper, etc.)

Now, the average cost of medical school is about 139,000 for four years

Health insurance is probably 1500 per year

Books, laptop upkeep, paper, printer, ink probably 1700 per school year.

Let's say hypothetically that my rent doesn't change, and that I stay in this area. That I don't count the debt I have now, that the "other" catagory somehow equals zero, and that everything goes perfectly and I never have to buy clothes or shoes or sheets or any of that other crazy little stuff again. (We all know this won't happen) BUT it will cost me, drum-roll please, (thank goodness I already bought my really expensive calculator that can do all this at once)


$132.54 PER DAY

With interest it will be much more expensive, but I'll get through it. Thank you, Opportunity, for making me want you so badly, that I would spend this much money on you per day. (I would just like to add that this is $5.54 per hour which is 76% of the current minimum wage.)

I'm choosing this lifestyle, and hopefully will someday see how worth it this all was. I am glad I am doing this, but if you aren't going to medical school...

...count your blessings, literally.